Dr. Bruce Perry, a pioneering neuroscientist in the field of trauma, has shown us that to help a vulnerable child to learn, think, and reflect, we need to intervene in a simple sequence.
REGULATE:
Firstly, help the child regulate and calm their fight/flight/freeze responses.
How?
Provide soothing but limited language, a safe space to go, step back, and allow them time to process. Don’t add to the feelings by shouting or ‘adding fuel to the fire’.
Remember the following strategies for regulation:
- Provide a safe and comfortable space.
- Remain calm yourself.
- Use limited yet soothing language.
- If possible, provide a source of physical comfort (such as a blanket, toy, or stress toy).
- Talk through regulating breathing, for example, using rectangle breathing (breathe in on the short side, breathe out on the long side), or trace your finger of one hand up and down the fingers of the other hand while tracing the outline of the hand, breathing in as you go up and breathing out as you go down.
- Identify things you can see, smell, hear, feel, and taste.
RELATE:
Secondly, we need to connect with and relate to the child.
How?
Develop a calm, sensitive dialogue, acknowledge how they feel, and how that is hard for them. “Wow, you must have felt really angry then. That must have been hard for you…”
Strategies for relating:
- Identify how they are feeling: "You look/seem angry/frustrated/sad..." Mirroring the emotion with your tone of voice.
- Acknowledge that this is unpleasant: "That must be really tough/difficult..."
- Reassure them that you are there to help or can get someone to help: "I am here to help you when you are ready" or "Who would you like me to get for you to help you?"
- Accept that even though they may appear calmer now, they are still processing and are still in a place of slightly heightened arousal. This is not the time to teach them anything.
- Share your own experiences to let them know it is normal to feel these emotions: "I get really frustrated when I find something difficult too..." or "I feel angry when I am not listened to as well..."
REASON:
Thirdly, we can support the child in reflecting, learning, remembering, articulating, and self-regulating their emotions.
How?
Teach them the language of emotions, strategies for regulating them, use stories to explore emotions, and remind them of their safe places and safe people.
Remember the following strategies for reasoning:
- Teach the language of emotions by naming them with the child when they experience them.
- Teach strategies for self-regulation, such as breathing techniques, going for a walk, moving away from the situation, finding help from a trusted adult or friend, talking, counting to 20, reading an appropriate story togethe , therapeutic sand tray play, and self-talk.
- Identify things that we can control, things we could control with help, and things that are beyond our control.